One of Them But the Same

I’m tired of trying to fit this mould

it sticks to my skin

it stinks

and I don’t want it

I have no desire to have it

bow down to it

accept it

I don’t want it.

And I’m tired

so fucking tired of seeing

the same old

old old

same

I want difference

I want to see different things

I’m different

but no one seems to see that

of course.

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Dancing in Shadow Lit Rooms

There’s not enough time

for me to love you

and you’re holding me back.

You’re holding me back

as I sit to write this

your feet

pressed against my skull pushing

you’re always pushing

pushing me to become some other

I’ll never be

the person you see

and the ones you don’t?

They don’t matter

and there’s just not-

there’s no time!

I hope you understand

I have to prioritise these words

over the words you speak.

My love

once I’ve found

just where it is I’m going

I’ll go and return

all in the same day

just to see your face

and realize you never mattered.

Walk to M

I’m about the colours

colours in general

the ones embedded in the sky

the ones beneath my feet

I want to see them all

how they glisten

if they shine

if they don’t

I want to see

I want to see the colours

I’m tired of looking at the sky

blue gives me a headache

and the clouds

they seem to melt

like candy floss on the tip of my eyes

what a sweet sight.

Just

just let me see the colours

the ones above

the ones below

how they shine

if they glisten

I want to know.

I’m dreaming of colours

dreaming in colour

and I’m thinking

thinking about the beauty of black & white

the blurred edges surrounding every dream

I want-

I want to see

see the outline and the middle

the surface and beneath

I want-

I need to see

the colours within

the colours embedded

the ones that scream

and I’m thinking

as ever

I’m thinking

thinking about nothing and everything

everything as nothing.

I don’t mind the grey

living in grey

or blue

the headaches will loosen

soon

soon I’ll breathe

breathe in all the colours of the world

and soon

soon I’ll see

the colours beneath

and the ones above

if they glisten

if they shine

if they’re aware

or simply just blind

I’ll see

eventually

eventually I will

and now?

Now

I’ll continue to walk through the black and out

into the white

not caring where my feet end up.

I’ve never cared for much.

Critics @ Number 5

Tirelessly knocking on doors

the ones I thought would open

tirelessly getting ignored

is it a Sunday?

I never know

I never take the time to know

the days mean nothing

except the of passing life.

It’s probably a Sunday.

I’m tired of knocking

my knuckles are fading to all but a bruise

what’s new?

I’ll give up

eventually

but let’s give it one last knock

for good luck.

What I Want // No More

There must be something missing

I must be missing something

if they all know

if they all know what to do

what they’re expected to do

how can I be any different?

I’m stuck

something’s holding me back

but I can’t tell what it is

what is it?

I’m writing the same old

writing the same

the same

and there must be something else

something more to this?

I can’t tell

perhaps

perhaps I’m just not cut out for this

this life

this career

because something

something’s missing

missing from my face

my words

my speech

nothing’s the same

I’m not the same

the hunger that rests in my chest

simply rests

it’s not the same

and I see them

they know exactly what to do

what they’re expected to do

and they’re doing it!

They’re living

and oh

oh how I envy them

living

breathing

living as they want.

I want the same

just as those before

I want the same

to be listened to

to be respected

to earn a seat in this world

even if I must stand

I’ll still have a seat there

waiting for me.

Grand

It’s not the passing that I’m worried about

it’s the acknowledgement of losing a piece of the soul

a piece that can never be replaced

a shadow

a face

hands reaching out for-

for me?

I was never there

they can’t be for me

but it’s the passing

it’s the acknowledgement of an end that’s killing me

but as I said

like a record stuck on repeat

everything must end

every life must end

I just wish it wasn’t hers.