The Last Drink Before the First 

Another day

more memories 

more of yesterday

more of today. 

The memories

they bind us

they keep us together 

they force us together 

and

these memories 

they will not rest

constantly flashing up as warning signs 

dancing around our minds. 

It’s another 

another day

and yesterday is no longer yesterday 

and today is today

and the memories are memories 

and we are we

together and together

together and not. 

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The awkwardness between us

makes me giddy;

the way your eyes 

flash to mine

and then back,

back to the floor. 

I’m trying to decide 

if I love you

but, I’m not sure

if it’s the attention

that has my attention-

but, the awkwardness 

between us

makes me feel young again

and, when you start speaking,

my hands start shaking 

and, I start making up lies,

lies to impress you

and, I doubt they impress you

but, I speak,

I speak anyway

and you listen;

you actually listen

and, the awkwardness 

slips, slips to something different-

something I can’t quite place-

a feeling of…

love

but, not your usual love;

a love that burns the lining of my stomach,

a love that threatens to erupt inside my chest,

a love that seems 

perfect. 

The worries,

the pain;

they fall to tomorrow

and, today,

today I’m with you-

the awkwardness bubbling between us-

you

and the rest of this

hour. 

Something to Pass

We liked the same things 

I remember now

We liked the same things and conversation flowed for hours

I caught you looking 

You were looking at me and then panicking 

We liked the same things 

I think that helped 

We were one

or came from the same

one

And I remember 

I remember I felt sick

I was sick and you were staring and your eyes seemed to swirl their way into mine

mine

My eyes

Your eyes

where do they end?

We liked the same things 

We saw the same things 

and the rest didn’t seem to make sense

but that was okay. 

Staying In Whilst the World’s Out

Didn’t leave yesterday 

I didn’t want to

and neither did

you. 

Don’t think we’ll 

leave today

because I don’t 

want to 

and neither should

you.

Yesterday was fine

we smoked 

we drank

and mumbled over 

our lives. 

Today

today will be different 

I’ve been writing 

and you’ve been sleeping 

so the contract 

isn’t much different. 

Didn’t leave yesterday

yesterday was different 

we were different 

yesterday. 

Today

today frightens me

once the words shrivel 

up

what do we have? 

What do we have when they’re here? 

A drunk

a stoner 

watching the world grow

from the comfort 

of our bed

not thinking on tomorrow 

not thinking on

anything- 

we didn’t leave the house yesterday 

and we won’t leave the house today

and tomorrow? 

Tomorrow hasn’t happened yet

let us deal with today

first. 

Where We Go

I was told to get

a ‘real’ job

when my ‘real’ job

didn’t seem to fit

the description of

what they called 

a ‘reality’. 

Apparently 

it is alien to

stay inside all day

and apparently 

it is even weirder 

to stay inside all day and write. 

Perhaps I’m an alien 

but they didn’t like that

so I guess

I wasn’t an alien 

or at least not to them. 

I was useless 

I was wasting my time

but time to them

wasn’t the issue

it was the boldness 

in which I did

it

it frightened them

how I managed to

do what I loved 

and somehow 

survived. 

I somehow survived

for a few months

I didn’t really need

a lot 

but they needed 

everything and they

needed to feel 

everything 

and that’s the- 

the expectations had risen 

and the expectations

we’re expecting me

to fit

somewhere 

and I refused 

to fit 

anywhere 

and so

they put me 

somewhere 

and I quite liked it

there.