Excuse

Back into the haze of tomorrow

as the days drag

their fingernails running down the walls of my mind

I want to sleep

I need to rest

and it’s stupid

it is

stupid to think that the drugs would help

that they would clear the flog that rests over my eyes

how foolish

foolish to think I could ever write

not with the substances swirling

vision going-

I’m not addicted

just alone.

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The End Of Two

At this moment

in this space

I’m content

I’m fine

I’m-

I daren’t say happy

because happy

it means something, doesn’t it?

It means more than…

than anything I’ve ever said

it means admitting to-

I’m useless

I’m uncontrollable

I’m-

I daren’t say depressed

I daren’t because it means…

something

nothing

somewhere in the middle

I’m tired of talking

tired of laughing

tired of-

at this moment

in this space

within this time

I’m free

as free as the dust that blows across my page.

I’m sorry it’s so late.

Desperate Title Here

Falling deeper

deeper into a state of panic

where do I go?

Who do I become? With nothing, surely, I’m no one?

It’s not true

I cannot force myself to believe it’s-

truth is, I’m lost

I’m not sure where to go next

the roads are growing darker

whilst I’m falling deeper

deeper into a state of-

it’s true

the panic’s over

washing itself over me like the ocean washes over the rocks.

What a beautiful way to describe something so ugly.

Air Bubble in Water

The drugs have become…

well, they’ve become me

and I? I’m drowning

falling into a pit of forgotten memories

nothing makes sense

the words aren’t flowing

the art isn’t coming

and I thought

foolishly, I thought I’d change

that the days would extend their arms and I’d be safe

what naivety

you see, the drugs, they were never meant to become a part of my life-

you may not believe but I’m trying to quit

to block out the hands that claw at my locked door

I am

I’m trying to run

after years of preferring to walk

it’s strange.

Forest In

Unforgiving was the rain

pouring down your face

and unforgiving was the wind

racing through my hair

it was never meant

never meant for anyone other than us

but they tried it

they tried to force it to be true

as the season’s refused to spilt

as the lies refused to believe

as the ocean swam up to meet its sea

it’s we

who are there

who are alive

who-

unforgiving was the rain

pouring down your face

I barely noticed you were crying.